Night Things (10) (The Underground Kingdom) Read online

  Night Things (10)

  Steve Elliott

  Copyright © by Steve Elliott 2013.

  All rights reserved.

  This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Chapter 1

  I'd had enough of running around the countryside getting into trouble. All I wanted was a peaceful life to raise my daughter, Rosewing, and to be with my two fairy lovers, Thorn and Tracey. Was a quiet life too much to ask? You wouldn't think so, would you? It should be the basic right of everyone, but noooo, my days descended into one disruptive adventure after another. Okay, so it made life interesting and our group had done a lot of good and saved some lives, so I guess it wasn't all bad. Maybe I was getting old or something and at the stage of starting to complain about my life. Wasn't that what happened as you aged? The phrase ‘old and cranky’ was well-known, and must have come from somewhere.

  However, back to the present, old age or not. Rosewing seemed to be sprouting up overnight. The fairy growth rate was phenomenal. She couldn’t be called a ‘baby’ anymore by any stretch of the imagination. Her wings were developing quite nicely (as well as other um …. areas), and she spent a lot of time fluttering them and demanding to know when she’d be allowed to fly.

  "Soon, my darling," Tracey would soothe. "You don't want to strain your wings before you're ready."

  "But I want to fly now!" Rosewing would insist, radiating impatience from every pore.

  "You'll fly when the time is right," Tracey told her. "I’ll teach you myself."

  "But all my friends are flying already," she wailed to me, making me smile for the human similarity of her complaint (simply substitute ‘drive’ for ‘fly’). "Why do I have to be the only one who can’t?"

  "Because you're smarter than they are," I confided. "While they’re out there risking life and limb, you're safely on the ground, strengthening your wings in preparation. Believe me, sweetheart, when the time comes, you’ll outfly them all."

  "Do you really think so?" she questioned hopefully.

  "I know so," I announced. "How could you miss? Your Aunt Thorn is one of the best flyers in the settlement, and she’ll give you some extra pointers after your mother teaches you the basics. And I'll be yelling encouragement down on the ground, because that's all I know how to do."

  "Oh Daddy, you're such a silly!" Rosewing giggled.

  "But that's not all," I continued, warming to the subject. "Your Uncle Nix can teach you how to track and hunt. You can also learn the fundamentals of unarmed combat from him if you want to. And Aunt Quina is a great healer. She can teach you all sorts of useful things. Your Aunt Trix is a wizard at surviving in the wilderness, and Zen can teach you how to scratch yourself and chase after rabbits." I made an all encompassing gesture with my hands. "So you see, sweetheart, you're a very lucky girl to be in a position to learn all of these things. You’re unique and never have to be just one of the pack." I took her in a hug. "And besides," I whispered, "you're my little girl and that makes you the most precious thing in all the world."

  "I know," she whispered back, snuggling into my embrace. "I am the luckiest girl in the world, and never think I don't appreciate it." Tracey came upon the scene and smiled lovingly at us both.

  "Is this a father-daughter moment?" she questioned.

  "You could say that," I murmured, winking at her.

  "Daddy said that Zen could teach me how to scratch myself and chase rabbits," Rosewing smirked, from the shelter of my arms.

  "He said what?" Tracey exclaimed.

  "Just kidding," I protested. "I simply outlined the benefits of being a member of this family, eccentric as it is may be. We may be weird, but we do have certain skills to pass on to the younger generation. Zen’s rabbit chasing ability is just one of the many talents we possess."

  "You're such a wombat, Stephen," Tracey sighed, rolling her eyes. "Rosewing, my darling, you should know better than to listen to your father."

  "I beg your pardon," I objected. "She should always listen to me. My many years of staying sane in this household are at her disposal." I turned to my daughter and tweaked her nose. "And believe me, munchkin," I told her, "it hasn't been easy. I'm surrounded by weirdos and miscreants all the time. Apart from your mother, of course," I hastily added.

  "Nice save," Tracey murmured, coming over to us and brushing back the curls from her daughter’s forehead. "Your father is totally insane, sweetheart," she said, "but I wouldn't have him any other way. We should both be thankful."

  "Not as much as me," I replied, kissing Tracey on the cheek, and drawing her into the hug. "I have two of the most beautiful girls in existence right here and there’s nothing else I want out of life."

  "Don't fall for his flattery," Tracey warned Rosewing. "He doesn't mean a word of it."

  "That's where you're wrong," I corrected, kissing her again. "I meant every syllable. My only regret is that the usual words aren't sufficient. I'll have to invent some new ones to cover it. Let's see now …… how about ‘superfabulosity’? I'd rate you both as off the charts on that one."

  "Now you're being extra silly," Rosewing chuckled, playfully slapping my arm. "But that is a good word. Superfabulosity? I love it. I'll have to try it out on my friends."

  "I'm surprised you have any left if you keep telling them about your father," Tracey murmured, smiling at me. "They'll think you're weird."

  "Oh, they think that already," Rosewing asserted, pushing away from me. "When I talk about Daddy, they sigh and roll their eyes."

  "What are we going to do with these young whippersnappers?" I asked Tracey despairingly. "They have no respect for their elders. How are they going to survive without our knowledge and experience? Frankly, I blame their mothers."

  "You horrible toad!" Tracey squealed, pulling herself from my arms. "It's the father’s fault! All they do is laze around the house, taking up space."

  "Have you ever heard such blatant misrepresentation and fraudulent nonsense in all your life?" I asked Rosewing, pulling Tracey back into my embrace. "Don't listen to your mother, sweetie. She's obviously drunk."

  Rosewing laughed merrily and it was a sound I'd loved to hear. She had a delightful laugh – all sparkle, spangle and silver bells. I sighed. She was growing up so fast that I sometimes wished the process would slow down a little so I could savor it all the more. My internal soliloquy was interrupted by the butterfly touch of Tracey’s gentle fingers on my cheek.

  "Was that a sigh, beloved?" she murmured softly.

  "Just a thought about how quickly time is passing," I explained. "My little girl’s life is flashing before my eyes and it won't be long before she leaves the nest. Where have all the years gone? It seems only the other day that she learned to walk and rode around on Zen."

  "We can't do much about it," Tracey comforted, resting her head against my chest. "That's the way life is. All we can manage is to do the best we can and make the most of each moment."

  "You're right, of course," I agreed, tightening my grip on the two most important things in my life. "I should be grateful for what I have – the most gorgeous lover in existence in the world's most beautiful daughter. Who could ask for anything more?"

  "Oh, you!" Tracey and Rosewing said simultaneously.

  Chapter 2

  We went to breakfast after that and met the rest of the family. Quina was cooking something on the stove and Zen sat beside her, ever hopeful for some food to somehow fall out of the pan onto the floor. His eternal optimism was touching. Thorn busied herself setting the table and Trix bustled around conveying food condiments from the cupboard. All in all, a reassuring dom
estic scene and one that never failed to reassure me. Everything felt so right. Was I absurdly privileged or what? I always had this irrational fear that one day a patronizing celestial headwaiter would come up to me and hand me the bill.

  "Here you are, Sir. One stunning and loving wife; one beautiful daughter; marvellous friends and a fascinating life. And let's not forget your second lover. Now, how do you intend to pay for all of this? No cheques, please!"

  We sat down for breakfast and talked about what to do for the day. I had hoped for a lazy morning but that didn’t eventuate. Soon after finishing breakfast there came a knock at the door. Thorn went to answer it and returned with a most remarkable guest, in the form of a dwarf – a most unusual sight because they rarely ventured far from their caves. This made me curious because it was almost unprecedented in my experience. It must have been something fairly momentous to bring a dwarf this far from his home.

  "I'll come straight to the point," our visitor boldly announced. "My name is Balis and I have come on behalf of his Majesty, the King. He requests your presence, if you'd be so kind."

  "This is rather unusual," Thorn commented. "Did his Majesty say what he wants from us?"

  Balis shrugged a non-committal way. "His Majesty did not confide in me at this present time," he answered diplomatically, "but he did suggest that the matter is urgent."

  "I guess we should go then," Thorn declared, looking around at us all for confirmation. "Did he say who was to attend?"

  "Not specifically," Balis answered, then he grinned. "But going on previous reports, I'd say that the usual group of troublemakers might be welcomed. "

  "Well, I never!" Tracey huffed, pretending to be outraged. "Lucky for you that I'm a lady, Balis, otherwise I'd be inclined to slap you."

  Balis chuckled. "Just teasing," he conceded. "You're all quite famous, you know. Even among our race you’ve become legends. We tell our children of your exploits."

  "Really?" Tracey questioned, puffing up a little with pride. "Do you really tell stories about us?"

  "Definitely," Balis confirmed. "Everybody knows the Fabulous Five."

  "Fabulous Five?" I exclaimed, astonished. "What sort of nonsense is this?"

  "It's true," Balis confirmed, spreading his hands. "There's you, Arugohumna, Trix, Nix and Quina. That's five, unless I'm mistaken.

  "Hey, what about Zen?" Trix demanded. "He's as much a part of the team as anyone."

  "And me?" Tracey questioned indignantly. "What about me? Shouldn't I be in there somewhere?"

  "Okay, so there's seven," Balis admitted, defeated. "I didn't mean to miss anyone out, but of course you realise that now have to find another name for you all. ‘The Fabulous Five’ won't work anymore."

  "The Sexy Seven," Trix suggested, winking at us.

  "I should think not!" Tracey gasped, scandalised.

  "The name’s not important," Quina smiled. "But I think we should go and visit his Majesty, don't you?"

  "Of course," Balis agreed smartly, pulling himself to attention. "If you’re agreeable, we could go right now."

  "Why not?" Thorn shrugged.

  "Can I come, too?" Rosewing asked.

  "I'm afraid not, sweetheart," Tracey told her. "You have to stay home with me."

  "It's not fair!" Rosewing sulked. "I never get to do anything fun around here!"

  "You can go when you’re little older," Tracey soothed. "First of all you have to learn how to fly. After that, then we'll see."

  "It had better not take too long," Rosewing threatened, her wings fluttering in agitation. "I'm not going to wait around forever."

  "Ah, the inevitable impatience of youth," I sighed, tickling her under the chin.

  "Stop that!" she insisted, giggling. "I'm not a baby anymore, Daddy."

  "Something I’m all too aware of, sweetie," I told her, a little sadly. "You're getting to be a big girl now. You’re already too big for your favourite piggyback rides. I suppose I'll have to carry Zen around instead."

  Rosewing laughed outright at the image in her mind. "Daddy, you're so silly!" she scoffed.

  "I was sensible before I met your mother," I whispered to her, "so just you be careful, eh? You don't want to end up like me, do you?"

  "Stephen!" Tracey squawked, punching my arm. "You horrible thing! Take that back at once!"

  "I can't," I confessed, rubbing my arm. "It's on the public record now and can't be erased. Sorry about that."

  "You're all mad," Quina proclaimed, looking around at us and then glancing at Balis. "Don't be too hard on them. It's probably genetic. You go numb to it after awhile."

  "I'll bear that in mind," Balis grinned.

  Chapter 3

  Leaving Tracey and her Stephen, along with Rosewing, behind in the house, the rest of us set off to collect Nix as the sixth member of the …… um, Something Seven (name to be decided later). During the journey I endeavored to learn more about Balis and see if he knew anything else about our summons. Despite all my probing, he maintained that he knew nothing of the reasons for our royal visit. I gave up in the end, acknowledging that he probably didn't know anything about the summons. Balis himself appeared to be, if there was such a thing, a typical dwarf. He was shorter than a fairy, about goblin size, but, like Nix, he more than made up for it in width. He had impressive muscular definition and, contrary to my previous experience, he carried a wicked looking axe on his back. That was unusual, because the dwarf race had always been a peaceful one, and they very rarely carried weapons. He had long, dark hair, fashioned into a single plait that bounced around as he walked. On the very end of that plait was a scrunchie, but I ascertained that it wasn't there simply to hold hair in place. For one thing it had been fashioned out of heavy metal and adorned with spikes. I could see it becoming a nasty weapon in a fight. In fact, his whole demeanor spoke of warrior status. Despite his weight, he appeared to walk very lightly, and that axe of his looked very sharp and well worn indeed. I hazarded a guess that he would have been one of the royal guards, and no ordinary messenger.

  We arrived at Nix's house and I prepared myself for the usual Nix-Thorn insult ritual which had proven to be an integral part of their friendship and happened every time they met. However, this time proved to be different. I knocked at the door and waited. Nix appeared, took one look at us and shouted at Thorn: "You've got a nerve coming here after what you said about my mother!", and then slammed the door in our collective faces. I glanced at Thorn who was open-mouthed in astonishment.

  "What the hell!" she exclaimed, staring at the closed door. "What's going on?"

  "What on earth did you say about his mother?" Trix wanted to know.

  "I didn't say anything!" Thorn protested, spluttering indignantly. "He's off his head."

  "You must have said something," Quina insisted. "He looked genuinely upset."

  "I tell you I didn't say anything!" Thorn proclaimed defensively, going red in the face. "I haven't the faintest idea what he's talking about." She banged on the door again and when Nix opened it the second time, we saw a mocking smile on his face.

  "Gotcha!" he sniggered.

  "You pervert!" Thorn raged, catching on at last. "You horrible, disgusting, ugly, smelly, evil ratbag!" she yelled. "I ought to punch you right in your big, fat head!" Nix simply stood there, grinning at her.

  "My darling Arugohumna," he murmured condescendingly. "When will you ever learn? Give up your futile attempts to match wits with me. You're waaay out of your class. In fact, just about everything is out of your class. Face it, my dear, your intelligence is only slightly ahead of your looks and we all know about those, heaven knows! That puts your IQ on the equivalent level of a lizard, and that's being generous. I've seen smarter rocks, for goodness sake."

  "What on earth is going on?" Balis whispered to me, apprehensively. "Why are those two screaming at each other? Is this normal? Is there going to be a fight?"

  "Don't worry about it," I soothed. "I know it sounds bizarre and looks even worse, but it's all part of the
ir greeting ceremony."

  "This is how they greet each other?" Balis asked, amazed. "What the devil do they do when they want to shake hands, then?"

  "It's weird, I know," I reassured him, "but that's how it is. Just accept it as a crazy sideshow and get on with life. Don't try and rationalise it because you'll never succeed."

  "I won't even begin to try," he muttered, shaking his head.

  Eventually, after Nix and Thorn had exhausted their preliminary bag of insults, we were allowed into the house and sat down for a cup of tea and biscuits.

  "I presume you’re here on some nefarious business or other," Nix enquired, once the refreshments were finished. "Dare I ask what it is this time?"

  "Make sure you put it into words of one syllable for him," Thorn said, nudging me in the ribs, "otherwise we'll be here all week while he tries to puzzle it out."

  "Tell me, Thorn," Nix retaliated, "why don't you take off that hideous mask you wear and show us your real face? Surely it can't be so bad that you have to hide it all the time? I have to admit the facial disguise you have on right now is fairly realistic, but it’s a bit too slapdash to be real. The nose is droopy, the skin is blotchy and the eyes are slanted at different angles. Nice try though, but better luck next time. I'll give you a three out of ten."

  Thorn opened her mouth to answer but I hastily placed restraining fingers against her lips. "We don't have time for this," I pronounced, "and besides, Balis is beginning to think you're both insane."

  "Just beginning?" Balis grumbled to himself.

  "I can see it’s too late," I grinned. "He’s figured the both of you out already. Anyway, back to business. The dwarf King has invited us all to an audience. And, no, I don't know what it's about and neither does Balis, so don't bother asking him. Do you want to come?"

  "I can see that I’d better," Nix grunted, "if only to keep Miss Bountiful Bosom here in her place."

  "Why, you repulsive little …….!" Thorn began reflexively, before the realisation hit her. "Wait a minute! That's a compliment!"